1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
