i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You are the jesus of drinking
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
