Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
