So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
