the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
