do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
