9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
