it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
