proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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