the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
