I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
