I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
