Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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