I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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