I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
