It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
