How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Even my vagina gasped.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
