Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
