A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We were destined to go to rehab together
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
