Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
