We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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