I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
