thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
