I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
