So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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