The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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