why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
