My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
