he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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