All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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