You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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