in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i out mim tonsoeep
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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