god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
