I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
