i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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