Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Even my vagina gasped.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
