Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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