Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
just found out that she named her cat after me.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
