It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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