Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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