theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
