there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Even my vagina gasped.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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