so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
