My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
