jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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