I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
