just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I am spending my child support on dildos
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
