Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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