I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
