She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
