addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
