Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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