I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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