walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
