Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
