Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
