Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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