her vagina looked like bernie madoff
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
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