i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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