shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
